Thursday, September 21, 2017

Farewell my friend.

September has been difficult for me.  I lost my friend.
I should clarify, he's not dead - which after a tumultuous and emotional spring/summer I am relieved and will gratefully cling to any scrap of good news about him.  He's simply moved on elsewhere.  His last email a "farewell" I took to mean 'I'm leaving town but we'll keep in touch as we have in the past'.  I was slow to realise it meant 'I'm severing all communications so I have closure for a fresh start'.  That was my August, and September has been... resignation.  I must surrender.
He's killed me off.  Whether I agree or protest, it was his choice I'm left to deal with now.  If one of us had to perish I'm glad it would be me, because I am strong enough to take it.  It hurts for now, but have faith it'll heal with time.  It's still lovely sunny in Vancouver now, but I carry in me the grey of winter.  Both grey and winter are beautiful in their own way.
I've been wringing and ironing out words; foolish words, maudlin words for the month.  These were those that made it to this blog post, once finally mustering the motivation to write.  How can one's head swarm yet remain so dull?
I know he had a miserable five months here, fraught with homelessness, frustration, disappointment and exhaustion despite my best efforts.  Perhaps it's simply my turn to be miserable in his absence.  I surely can grant him five months, wouldn't that be fair? I always strive to be fair in my interactions, as imbalance leads to resentment.  Perhaps it is a language he can understand better than my demonstration of best intentions: is that of sacrifice.  One he won't even be present to witness.
I've heard that he has moved on, both in settlement and mindset, and is not only surviving but thriving well in his new environment.  They say he is happy now, which is what I would've wanted for him.

1 comment:

  1. After a long time, I stubbled upon your blog and I am sad to read this news. Indeed you are a strong person, time will heal the pain and help you find your path. XX Rossi

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