For Theodora

My friend's rabbit died on Sunday.
Rabbits will hide injuries or illness well, and she outwardly seemed fine when I saw her just last week.  We'd had a similar scare last year, the vet diagnosed a gastrointestinal blockage and we gave her intensive medicine and closely monitored her diet thereafter.  We sensed then that she had a very sensitive constitution.
Reports from friends say she stopped eating Saturday afternoon, stopped drinking in the wee hours of Sunday, and was in swift decline by the time he got her to the veterinary clinic Sunday morning.  She was gone in 15 minutes.  I pray she did not suffer and wasn't afraid to pass on.  Perhaps she was glad to surrender her weak body.  I'm glad she got to spend her last night with the man she loved, who loved her very much.
Theodora was a good bunny.  She kept the housekeeping as any doe maintains her warren, studiously nibbling electrical cords she perceives are invasive vines or roots that if left unchecked will grow to bring down the house.  She was our night sentry, guarding us as we slept and monitoring our trips to the washroom.  She grew accustomed to running on hardwood and tile floors and we could hear this tiny bunny galloping from room to room.  She joined us for meals to eat as family, and was ever-enthusiastic for her morning piece of banana.  She was curious, intelligent, opinionated, and very expressive.  She will be greatly missed by all who knew her.

Stillness, yet restless.

This will be a brief, simple post.  Just to say I've done it.  I've successfully kept up my new year's resolution from two years ago, to post at least once a month.  I suppose I *do* more, and more *happens* to me than I report here in cyberspace for my tiny readership, but only some details do I feel particularly noteworthy.
Now is another strange quiet-time.  Perhaps because the weather's turned damp and grey, though I can't complain since we had such an unexpectedly beautiful November last year.  Or maybe it's just the lull after the Christmas holidays.  Christmas was quiet with my parents, I'm glad to visit them and sad to leave, no matter how long I stay for.  I've had a few emails from those that float in the periphery, pleasant shadows from my past that thought of me long enough to send a note.  Some of my online friends are busy or otherwise have disappeared, and I do miss them a bit.  People in my life are gearing up their plans for the upcoming year, as am I, yet it seems like the drifting away (even temporarily) is more noticeable lately.
To those that I love, I hope you know that I love you.

The next exciting plan to look forward to is my trip to Mexico to see the Monarch migration.  I've purchased my plane tickets now, dates are set Feb 16-Mar 4, so now I'm going come hell or high water.  I've had an overall great time on my last excursions, and am with practice and discipline becoming a more savvy traveller, comfortable with what I am capable of and accepting that I'll get out of it whatever I put into it.  There is a fine line between planning and spontaneity; I still have some research to do and will try to contact some locals down there, but won't overthink it too much till I'm there.
Being alone seems the most non-confrontational way to make my own decisions without it conflicting with others' plans, or stepping on their toes - if I really want it done I will do it myself, or else I can't be surprised when plans don't come to fruition.  My new year's resolution is not as obvious as it has been in the past few years, this year is more to simply do what I want to do.  It's less a matter of selfishness (at least that I'm consciously aware of), it's about preserving some level of pride and autonomy and self-reliance so I'm not constantly swept along with the group or what someone else assumes I'm fine with.  So I can experience/produce something in my life, and feel like I'm not just treading water.